Pink or Blue – Speed Bump, Which One Are You?!


In less than twenty days, we’ll be seeing little SB again. We heard his or her heartbeat a couple of weeks ago, and now I feel like I’m in that worried inbetweeny stage where I probably won’t completely rest until I see that little wriggly tiny person on the screen again. At this point it’ll be the size of the banana, but right now it’s about the size of a sweet potato, which is really difficult to comprehend because sometimes I feel like my bump isn’t big enough to have a sweet potato in it… and other times I think “really, it’s only the size of a sweet potato?”. So it’s really weird.

Hopefully we’ll be finding out the gender of SB in two weeks time, unless he or she has their legs crossed and doesn’t want us to know (in which case we’ll probably book a specific gender scan anyway). Some people have moaned and groaned at this, saying we should leave it as a surprise, but I really want to know what we’re having. It’s still a surprise, anyway – I’m not sure at all right now – whether it’s a surprise in two weeks time or five months time makes little difference to me.

I don’t understand why we all set so much store by the gender though. I include myself in this – I don’t know why I desperately want to know. I suppose it makes it easier to start buying clothes – there are hardly any gender-neutral clothes in the shops these days, and even if you find something in yellow or green or even plain white, it’ll be a dress or it’ll have a logo like “Daddy’s Little Man” or something on it. While I’m all for crushing gender stereotypes, I don’t want people thinking my baby girl is a boy, or vice versa.

There’s also the whole “keeping it a secret” thing – with the exception of close family and friends, we won’t be telling many people the gender. Well, that’s unless we get too excited and blurt it all out, which is also a possibility. There was something on Mumsnet about this recently – asking why people keep it a secret from family and friends, when the parents themselves are the only ones who really care if it’s a boy or a girl. I don’t know how true that is, but my reasons behind keeping it a secret have nothing to do with delusions of people giving a shit – it’s all about names.

D and I have discussed names. We’ve discussed names quite a lot. We don’t need every single person we meet suggesting names to us when really, they know very little about our choice in names. Family, close friends? Fine, great. I’m even fine with a few friends making jokey suggestions that we name it after them. But I don’t want every man and his dog coming up to us, asking if it’s a boy or a girl and immediately reeling off a string of names. At the same time, I don’t want to be rudely millitant about it – I have visions of myself responding to a person like that by saying “Yes, we know the sex, no, we’re not telling you, yes we have a name and yes it’s better than anything you could suggest”, because – well, that’s just plain rude. (Although if anyone starts calling me fat at any point during this pregnancy, there will be no holds barred – you have been warned!).

Sometimes I think maybe we should agree on names before pregnancy – maybe there should be this law that you can’t get pregnant without knowing exactly what you’re going to call it, and you’ve already registered it as that so you can’t change it. Hormones can do crazy things to a woman’s naming capacity. For instance, I loved the name Teddy for a boy. I’d forgotten that it was the name of my mum’s first dog, or that I still sleep with a teddy at night (don’t judge me, I need my Pooh Bear to sleep just lately), and even the fact that he wouldn’t have a “proper” first name – I’m not keen on Edward, D isn’t keen on Theodore, so there was no compromise there and I’m not sure “Tedward” quite works – I was dead set on the name, and absolutely loved it, and so did D (and I think he still does).

Peed on a stick, little blue cross and BAM. Sorry, not keen on Teddy. The fact that D loves the name made me feel like the worst person on earth, saying that I wasn’t keen – because I really had been, prior to it. I just don’t think I loved it on a baby – and realising that suddenly, there is a baby in the picture, made me remember that this is a name we both need to love, and we both need to use and be happy using – and it needs to be one that can grow with the baby. Someone suggested the “judge” test – would the name work on a judge? Obviously I’m not sure Judge Teddy is quite right, but I’m not the biggest advocate of that test anyway, seeing as hardly any of the names I like would work as a judge (and, in the nicest possible way, I can’t see any child of mine becoming a judge. If it’ll be anything like me, it won’t have the concentration span and will decide innocent or guilty on stupid factors like whether they like the accent of the person or if they’re wearing a Christmas jumper in July).

I think part of my wanting to know if SB is a boy or a girl is so we can properly sit down and think about the name. If we left it as a surprise, I’m not sure I’d ever get past this stage of constantly finding new names and wanting them more than the last favourite. At least if we have a gender, once the baby is born, we have a name for it – rather than spending three weeks calling it “Speed Bump” (Speedy for short, of course) – and still not knowing what it should be called.

That said… I think I’m warming to Speedy…

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