Saying “no”.

Why can't I say it?

Why can’t I say it?!

I’ve no doubt it’s something I’ll need to get better at in years to come when children start asking for this/that/a puppy (as if I’ll be able to say “no” to a puppy!), but I think I may start practicing saying “no” now. I don’t mean to big things, like people asking for help or wanting a favour, but to myself.

Last week I succeeded in going to every class and rehearsal, but I’m not sure it was really for the better. Yes, I’m not behind on my work, I’ve finished my essay, it’ll be handed in on time – but I feel really ill. I’ve got a cold, my body aches and I’m genuinely feeling sorry for myself, which is something I hate. I felt like this last week too, but on the three occasions I said “right, I’m being strict – I’m not well enough to go in today, so I’m not going in”, within half an hour the guilt was too much and I went in anyway.

I keep trying to kid myself that one of these days, I’ll be strong enough to accept the fact that I can’t do it and stay home, but I can’t see it happening. Once upon a time – back at school or college, where I hated it – I would’ve jumped at the chance to have a day off school. I hope it’s testament to the fact that I love uni that makes me unable to take a day off, rather than someone placing a curse on me so that I will feel guilt every day for the rest of my life if I miss one day because I’m too poorly to go in.

I’ll say no one day. It would appear, however, that today is not that day. Yeah, I feel like crap. My head is pounding and I have a sneaking suspicion I’m being kicked from the inside, and my bed is so warm, and it hurts to walk, but I have an essay to hand in and a seminar to take part in. And hey – it’s only two hours. How much damage could two hours do?


(It gets funnier each time you watch it)

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