I mean, look at them.
Cute? They’re adorable! But photogenic they are not.
As you probably know, I feel a spiritual connection with manatees – more so than ever just lately, with my manatee-like body and perpetual feeling of floating around with no real sense of direction.
A bit like that (come on, did you really expect me to post a manatee post without that gif?)
The latest deepening of this spiritual connection is that, like manatees, I’m not photogenic in the least. I wasn’t photogenic before I got pregnant, and pregnancy definitely hasn’t worked any miracles on my ability to look even vaguely human in a photo. I can’t even take a picture of myself without blinking, so other people taking pictures of me is an absolute nightmare.
So hip hip hooray, we got an email the other day informing us that we’re having our headshots done on Friday. And then an agent is going to see them and give us tips, apparently. I’m guessing my tip will be something along the lines of “wear a paper bag over your head”.
Now I understand, a lot of people say they aren’t photogenic, they aren’t pretty etc, and often it is just fishing for compliments. I’m not fussed about compliments because in the long run they don’t really do that much for my self confidence; D tells me I’m beautiful but it doesn’t mean I’ve suddenly had a huge boost of self confidence. So when I say I’m not photogenic, it truly is because I look awful in photos – I don’t want compliments, or people to tell me I look fine, because the proof is in the picture, and the pictures tend to look rubbish.
Pregnancy has been a massive knock to my self-confidence, but weirdly it isn’t about my bump. I quite like my bump, I don’t think it’s a bad one as bumps go… it’s the effect pregnancy has had on the rest of my body that bothers me. And I know the pictures we’re having done are only of our faces – and although mine isn’t photogenic, and is a little puffy just lately, it isn’t the worst in the world.
It’s the confidence. It’s knowing that my hands are swollen and my feet barely fit into my trainers anymore, and I have put on weight – not a massive amount, but it’s still weight I can’t wait to lose over the summer – and knowing that when people see me waddling down the street, that’s what they focus on – the waddling, and the pained look on my face, and the fact that I have to stop for Braxton Hicks every couple of minutes. Even if my hair looks great that day, or my skin is nice and clear, or I’m wearing nice clothes, that’s not what they’ll notice – they’ll notice the fact that I don’t look like a human should look, and that is such a confidence knock that even when it comes to having a picture taken of your face, it’s hard to imagine you’ll look anything but awful.